I rarely talk about my life but today I will give you a glimpse of some of the challenges of being a firefighter wife.
When I Grow Up, I Want to Be a Firefighter Wife
Wrong! I’m pretty sure few firefighter wives will say, “I signed up for this.” Truth is, we signed up to love our husbands but we really didn’t understand what being a firefighter wife really meant at that time. Well, 18 years later, I can tell you exactly what that means!
Long Hours and Nights Alone
Let’s just say, when he leaves for work, its several days before we see each other again. Even after all these years, I absolutely hate being home alone. I enjoy his company and wish I could have it daily.
Moody Moments
The most common question asked, can he sleep at the fire station. The answer is yes, assuming there are no emergencies through the night. I can always tell when he’s had a busy night because try as he might to act normal, his mood is a bit off when operating on a few hours of sleep. As a firefighter wife, you really have to be understanding in those moments or you could literally lose your cool.
High Divorce Rate
Firefighters have a high divorce rate and it’s no secret why. They are gone more than they are home, or so it feels.
What About Me?
On the days when he’s spread thin at work, he has little time to eat much less tend to what I or we have going on. It’s not intentional; it’s just the nature of the job. Most days I’m fine with it but on the days when I really need his input, it gets really annoying.
Disadvantages of Shift Work
Leaving early or unexpectedly isn’t as easy as it sounds. Those moments are reserved for big deal situations like the time I was in a fender bender. Therefore, if I’m in the middle of a crisis that doesn’t pose harm or danger, I will have to handle it whether I want to or not. Thankfully, I have a lot of practice in this area — he’s prior military.
Weekends and Holidays
Holidays. Weekends. What are those? These don’t exist in firefighting. We have missed so many family events, I can’t even begin to count.
Riding Solo
We live in Hurricane Alley and when storms approach, he’s required to stay behind and protect the city while the rest of us evacuate the area. Do you know how hard it is to kiss your spouse, say I Love You and tell him to be careful while you get out of dodge.
Emotionally Draining
Preparing for storms and evacuating the area without him is emotionally draining. After I’m done having a pity party, my inner mean girl kicks in and I become frustrated that my husband is at work while I’m trying to fight the crowd for storm essentials. Of course he feels bad and helpless in these moments. He tries his best to keep the house stocked, the cars filled with gas but sometimes storms are unpredictable leaving limited time for planning.
Gotta Go, I Love You
It is not uncommon for me to arrive to the fire station, sit for dinner, take a few bites and boom, a 911 call comes through. They rush out to the emergency, leaving dinners uneaten and food partially cooked. Just like that, I’m now the only one left behind at the fire station. I cover plates, turn off the oven, gather my things and head home.
Stress and Worry
Now that I’m 18 years in, I try not to think about the what if as much. I don’t ask any questions about the types of calls he’s responded to as I feel it’s best I don’t know. My only request to him is, return home safe.
Date Night at The Fire Station
While you and your dude are cruising the streets having an awesome night out on the town, 9 out of 10, I’m at the fire station hanging with mine. I’m a regular at the fire station and pretty much one of the guys now. Not many wives bother to visit. I mean, I get it. It’s not exactly the most exciting place to be but I’m willing to visit so that I can spend time with my honey.
Adapt and Overcome
Throughout the years, I’ve learned to adapt and overcome challenges. I either attend events alone or miss them totally. I usually opt to miss them because I hate traveling alone. Because weekends and holidays mean nothing in firefighting, I cherish the time when he’s off. A firefighter’s job is to be first in and last out so I thankful for his safety each and every day.
While I’ve told this story from my perspective, it’s not exactly a cake walk for him either. It’s hard being away from his family. It’s emotionally draining for him knowing he cannot be there for me every time I need him when he’s at work. Every time he responds to an emergency, it’s because someone is hurt or in need. He sees things in a run of a day that I hope to never see in this lifetime. He’s a true hero; my hero.
Challenges aside, I love my firefighter and support him in every way possible. This is just a glimpse of my life as a firefighter wife.
What Work Schedule Challenges Does Your Household Have?
Photo Source: PublicDomainPictures.Net
Jay!!!! First of all thank you and your hubby for your service! You both are courageous and resilient!!!! Eighteen years in is AMAZING!!!! Your hubby is lucky to have a kind and understanding wife like you!
Thanks for being vulnerable and transparent enough to share with us!
KLP @ SavingOurStrands recently posted…Meet My Natural Hair | Keyda Update
I totally was thinking of you during part of this writing. I know you hold it down at home too. Hats off to you and your spouse. I know it’s hard and some days we’re near meltdown but our husbands are lucky to have us as their support. We holds it down! :0)
18 years and still going strong is amazing. I can’t imagine what you are going through but i know you are one tough cookie and its very admirable. Your hubby is lucky to have a woman like you stand by his side no matter what. It was nice to know you alittle bit more. Btw your hubby is a hero to so many of us our here.
Tomes Edition recently posted…My 24hr Flat Twist & Curl On Relaxed Hair…
TY so much. I’ve shared the comments with him and he totally appreciates the love. I will try to share more personal stuff here and there. I honestly feel like my life is boring and I’m usually like, no one wants to hear that. They just want to hear about hair. 🙂
Both of you should be congratulated for keeping the fire alive!
Emprezz Abena recently posted…Texlaxed Hair Update
Too cute. I got a good laugh at this. TY sis.
Omg Jay. This was a very revealing insight into your life. A number of things really touched me.
1) 18 years. Wow! You go, girl.
2) preparing for emergency in opposite ways- you, going away from, and he going into it head on. Either scenario takes bravery in your situation and I applaud you
3) the fact that u try to make it work with dinners and date nights at the fire station, even after he’s occasionally called out on emergency. You said it best: Adapt and Overcome!
Honestly, I don’t know which of u is braver. Kudos to u both.
Hey Doll! TY so much for the super awesome words. It’s a bit much to process some days. I recall this like yesterday, I almost broke down in tears the first time I was at the fire station when an emergency came through. I was scared and nervous for him.
I have always loved firefighters, not in the beefcake sense, but because they are always running in when everyone else is running out. I wanted to be a firefighter when I was a little girl, and used to make my Mom chase fire trucks (i know, that’s not the safest thing, but I didn’t care then). They even risk their lives for property and pets, and my prayers go out to them and their families for all the sacrifice that goes along with this line of work. God bless you and your husband and all the heroes out there who keep us safe.
18 years of love! you are fortunate. Sound like a challenge for you to be taking care of home and children so much on your own. Fire fighters are such brave people and they work so hard to protect us all. I’m really thankful that he is so dedicated to his job but I hope he gets enough time of to spend with his family!
🙂 TY! My honey and I met in middle school so we go way, way back. Yes, he gets home time too. Those days are cool when they fall on the weekend. That means we get the entire day together. When his off days fall during the week, he comes to each lunch with me and def spend time with each other at night.
Congrats on 18! That’s awesome! Imaurrently in a long distance relationship, so I’ve been dealing with missing my man for 2 weeks at a time. So far we are 3 years in but it should be coming to an end soon with distance.
Tia @ financiallyfitandfab recently posted…Budget like a Pro with 5 Simple Steps
TY for reading and congratulating. We’ve done the long distance thing and that’s by far harder. At least I can pop in at the fire station if I need or want to see him. Being hours and hundreds of miles away like you guys are is so hard. He was in another country when he was in the military. That was the worst.
Wow, I had no idea! You go through a lot. I remember my husband wanting to take the fireman test and I’m so glad he didn’t. Praying for his and your safety!
STACIE recently posted…Everyday Mom Style: Black & White Thrifted Ankle Pants
Yes girl, it’s a lot. TY so much.
Wow! Thanks for being so honest. I never really gave much thought to what a marriage is like for a firefighter. It’s great you guys have been married for 18 years because it sounds very tough.
Thank you, Ty! We go way back…like middle school way back so the foundation definitely helps.
Thank you for sharing this. Never thought about the life of a firefighter and those they love outside of the apparent danger. But there is so much more to it than that and I commend you both for making it work, that is where you find happiness! God bless you guys!
Bijee recently posted…Loving Myself Even When I Don’t Know Exactly Where I Belong
Thank you, Bijee. There’s a lot too it and I only scratched the surface. Some suffer from PTSD. I’m blessed my husband does not.
18 years is true dedication so congrats on that. You don’t hear the media talk about being a firefighters wife, usually just police and military. You gals sacrifice for others every single day.
I’m so thankful that my Mister works a 9-5 schedule like I do. I can’t imagine having to deal with the kids alone. I complain when he is out of town for a few days.
Thanks to you and Hubby for doing what a lot of us can’t and won’t.
Mimi “MimiCuteLips” Green recently posted…Story Time with Peter and the Wolf in Hollywood App
Hi Mimi, thank you for the kind words and the congrats. Having kids definitely would make it 10x tougher. I know juggling kids is challenging on its own. Toss in a crazy schedule, things just got tougher.
First of all congrats on 18 years! Your transparency and openness is refreshing. Kudos to you and your husband for making it work and blooming where you’re planted. Prayers for his continued safety, and your peace of mind.
TY Vee! I’m trying to be more transparent and open. It’s so tough for me but I’ll get there.
Oh goodness, I totally see how being a firefighter’s wife can be very challenging! I’m glad that you have a strong marriage built on true love, so that you’re understanding and make it work!
Thank you Kasi. I truly appreciate the support and kind words.
Kudos to you for holding it down. I’ve always told myself I don’t think I’d be able to marry anyone in the armed forces. It takes a very special woman to deal with the stress that comes with being married to a firefighter or policeman etc… People don’t really think that being a firefighter’s wife can be a challenging task as well. I’m sure he appreciates all your efforts to be with him even at work and your support!
Thank you so much for the kind words and for showing my slice of the web some love.